Things I Miss in this World
Dignity, and so much more...
My dad was dressed for church in his usual business suit, white shirt and tie, hat in hand. He posed for a moment in front of the living room mirror.
“What do you think, Mary Beth? Would you call your old man handsome?”
I was 15, maybe 16, old enough to know he was just kidding but too old not to tell the truth.
“I’d say you look dignified” I said seriously, “and I’m proud of that.”
“Dignified,” he said, obviously surprised. He placed his grey fedora on his bald head, tilted it for the mirror, and the smile that spread below his large nose told me he was pleased.
“I like that, I’ll take dignified,” he said, “and thank you.”
That is one of those photographic memories, the snapshot ones you recall viscerally, that bring back every posture, subtext, and emotion in the story. I was glad for it that morning, felt I had gotten in right between us in the moment. The memory is no doubt enhanced by the fact that he would be gone soon, taken suddenly by a cerebral hemorrhage when I was 19.
Dignity is one of the things I miss. It has fallen out of favor in the world. Joe Biden stands with dignity. Stiffly yes, as the wages of age have robbed him of flexibility, but the expression on his face at the funerals of Melissa and Mark Hortman this week was dignified, respectful, cognizant of the power of the moment, not of the man honoring it.
I also miss Class. I miss the modest, tasteful elegance that used to be preferred in the dress and accessories of those in the public eye. The Jacqueline Kennedy grace that would never have considered pushing fashion boundaries just for attention.
I miss Taste. I miss the centuries-hewn awareness that quality and understatement are essential elements of good taste; that subtlety and restraint are its perfect enhancements in decoration and décor. That gold is best in small doses, not drowning overflow.
I miss Elegance. I see none in the plasticized bodies and frozen visages of women refusing to find beauty in their own faces, wisdom in their own expressions, respect for the bodies that carried them so far. Millions spent to create beauty on the waters of Venice this weekend mock not only the stunning beauty of that aging city, but elegance itself, creating caricatured action figures out of human forms. This is hardly beauty, and certainly not elegance. I miss them both.
I miss Grace. The unearned favor of compassion for others, for those who fail, or are beneath us in ability or experience or expression. I miss the hand of grace that tried to lift them up, to hear their message, to comfort their pain. Where has Grace gone, that we can only blame and judge and hold them guilty for it all?
I miss Respect. For the work, for the position, for the people you serve. Do leaders respect anything anymore, beyond their own right to wield power, and the desire to profit for their efforts?
Most of alI I miss Civility. The ability to use words with precision, the knife-edged complex articulation that can make a point without a single swear, or f-bomb, or epithet. And the choice to say it quietly without the threat of rage and violence that lies behind each disagreement. When the most common adjective in our discourse is a four-letter word that means violent sexual assault, hateful rejection, damnation and disgust, we have lost something civilized among us.
I miss Dignity. The kind my father had, and was proud to carry,
Will we ever get that back in this country?
And I wonder. What do you miss?
This is so true. As I read down your list, a word would pop up for me and then I saw that you had covered it. I think it's important to remember these things, not only to lament their loss, but to remind us to hold fast to them. Thank you.
I also miss those things. I know the world certainly wasn't perfect. But in the public sphere with so many, we now lack even what my mother would have called "common decency". I think a movement is in order!